I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i've created a new STD.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
