It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
