Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
