Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
