so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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