You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize