I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
