He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
