I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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