addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Did I show you my penis last night?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
