kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
