I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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