At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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