my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize