There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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