the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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