you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
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