So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
