k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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