guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
