quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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