hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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