i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
