From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
