When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
