trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
