non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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