There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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