the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
