i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
