Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
