All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i came on her dog
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Randomize
