someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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