This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
