I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
