just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
