we have officially lost it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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