just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
