i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
