So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
