piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
