I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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