apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Are my feet made of real feet?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
