as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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