you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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