So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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