it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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