i need an iv and a liver transplant
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
