Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
