Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
