cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
