He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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