Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
