More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Oh god it's open bar.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
