Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
