Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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