Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
