I'm jealous of your bromance
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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