Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i permit you to call me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
