Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
