so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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