His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
