Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
