Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
