I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
