Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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