your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize