Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
