yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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