So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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