i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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