i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
