I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
