for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize